


I need to be strong

by chaosfay



Series: Delylah and Cullen [20]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Comfort, Exhaustion, F/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-18
Updated: 2015-04-18
Packaged: 2018-03-23 13:20:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3769894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaosfay/pseuds/chaosfay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Delylah is doing her best to deal with her experiences in Adamant, but it's not easy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I need to be strong

**Author's Note:**

  * For [reellifejaneway](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reellifejaneway/gifts).



> Personally I feel the Inquisitor will be dealing with some major PTSD after all the things they have experienced. Even more so after the Nightmare demon. I have PTSD, and am pulling from my own experiences and emotions regarding a lot of things. Hopefully that comes across here.
> 
> This takes place before Cullen and Delylah become intimate.

Delylah was shaking that morning.  Memories of the events at Adamant had haunted her sleep, providing her with little rest.  The nightmares had plagued her since escaping the Fade.  Again.  Some nights were easier, but not this one.  Her shift was soaked with sweat, the air thick with the smell of fear, and the trembling wasn’t letting up.  
  
Using her magic she set the fireplace to blazing.  It had died during the night, leaving the room with a distinct chill.  She stripped herself free of the wet clothes, leaving them on the floor as she stood before the flames.  The heat was welcomed, and slowly seeped into her body, calming, relaxing.  The smell, however, refused to be burned away.    
  
Delylah went over to the table holding her wash basin.  Taking the large pitcher and bowl she set them on the floor in front of the fire.  After fetching her box with her bathing items she began ridding herself of the fear.  She poured the water into the basin and lowered herself to the floor.  From the box she withdrew a heat enchantment and set it into the now filled basin.  With soap and sponge Delylah began washing the night off her, letting the water drip down her body and onto the floor.  Starting with her face, then her neck, and worked her way down.  The hot water, fire, and calm ritual of a morning sponge bath were just what she needed to start her day.  
  
Clean at last she used the rest of the water to rinse away anything may have been missed.  Rising from the now soaked floor she put her things away, organized as ever.  All things have their place and she found comfort in this.  
  
Now it was time to ready herself for what the day had in store for her.  A lunch meeting with Nevarran dignitaries, reports to go over with Leliana, Cullen, and Josephine, as well as a number of smaller tasks.  It will be a busy day, and hopefully exhausting enough she can sleep through the night.  
  
Delylah chose her dress carefully.  The diplomats from Nevarra attending lunch with her and Josephine couldn’t see her as anything but a powerful figure.  Not Delylah the woman, but Delylah the Inquisitor.  That meant power and modesty, no distractions.  The fine dresses made her feel strong, and she so desperately needed that right now.  Instead she chose a simpler outfit, the sort she tended to avoid.  It made her feel like a piece on a chessboard; no real power, just a figurehead, and not even a woman.  Josephine would be the one doing the talking, making things happen, working out the details.  Delylah would only be a bragging point for the Nevarrans.  They would meet her personally, have lunch with her, and go home and say they met her.  
  
Normally this didn’t bother her, but today was different.  She hadn’t felt anything but fear, rage, and lost since Adamant.  
  
Washed, dressed, and wearing a modest amount of makeup to cover the dark circles under her eyes, Delylah made her way to Josephine’s office.  Chin held high, shoulders back, face neutral.  She took little notice of those she passed, focusing instead on keeping herself steady for the task at hand.  
  
Thankfully her input was hardly necessary.  Being present was all she needed to be.  Small talk was easy enough, and her reputation for not being much of a talker worked in her favor.  Hardly ignored, but she appreciated the way her preference was respected.  
  
As soon as she was able to politely excuse herself Delylah was gone.  Of course there were more people who wanted to speak with her.  She remained courteous, but kept the conversations short.  Her patience, and confidence, were wearing thin, the exhaustion working its way to the surface.  
  
She slowly made her way to Solas’s rotunda, making herself comfortable on the sofa.  The mutual respect and friendship between them was quickly evident.  He simply nodded, not bothering to speak, and continued painting.  Delylah let herself sink into the sofa, sighing with relief no one had followed her.  All she wanted, and needed, was rest.  True rest without interruption, absent of nobles, reports, assignments, and responsibility.  
  
She sat up with a start.  Her shoes had been removed and a blanket laid over her.  Solas was gone, and several candles had been blown out.  She could hear voices coming from the main hall; it must be time for the evening meal.  Delylah made to put her shoes on but jumped with a start when Cullen spoke.  
  
“You don’t need to do that, love.”  
  
Delylah would have laughed at being so easily startled were she not so tired.  “I need to be there.”  She could hear her voice was slightly slurred, as though she had been drinking.  
  
“No, you don’t.”  Cullen rose from the chair he had been occupying next to the sofa.  
  
“I need to appear strong, be strong.  I can’t afford-”  
  
Cullen sat down beside her, pulling her into his arms.  He wasn’t wearing his armor, just comfortable casuals.  “You are strong.  Everyone knows and sees that.  You’re also human.  Mortal.  You need rest.”  He kissed the top of her forehead softly.  
  
“I know I need rest, but we can’t afford-”  
  
“- you falling in the field because you were so far from exhaustion you couldn’t lift your staff or raise a barrier.”  
  
“What do you propose I do?  Ask Corypheaus to give us a break, allow me time to recover?”    
  
“No, but we can send others out for awhile.  We need supplies from various locations, places you’ve closed rifts.  The risk of demons being present will be low, and I think your companions can handle fighting Venatori without you there.”  
  
Seeing the logic, “very well.  Now is there a way for me to get to my room unnoticed?”  



End file.
